The Wife

As I grow in Christ alongside my husband, along with my experiences from a previously-failed marriage, there are quite a few things I am learning about biblical roles for spouses, being one flesh, and living within a covenant.

After a study in July 2024, realizing remarriage after a justified divorce was biblically acceptable, I accepted the invitation to pursue a courtship from a long-time friend, Simon. It didn’t take long for us to figure out our blossoming relationship—since our lives were so intertwined and were being guided by God—that we couldn’t do life without one another. We both suffered marriages that ended in adultery and suffered turmoil.  We both knew what we wanted from a covenantal spouse.  Most importantly, we both were dedicated to Christ.

Consequently, we were married in October 2024. I never could have imagined being blessed in such a way. Not only do I get to continue focusing on serving Christ, sharing His Gospel message and offering discipleship to my siblings in Christ, I get to do it alongside my best friend, my other half, my most-cherished, adored, and ardently loved husband. We are praiseful to God in the name of Christ for His many blessings, even those in disguise which cause us to rely on Him and His strength alone.

Here are some brief takeaways from what I have learned:

1.) There is nothing in Scripture which instructs disciples about timing in relationships. Though courtship/dating is meant specifically for the intention of marriage, there is no time specification for courtship. So long as the individuals are equally yoked in Christ, the relationship is blossoming beautifully, the marriage bed is undefiled in self-control as equally-yoked Christians, and there isn’t cohabitation or “acting like” a married couple, the courtship may be short or long.

2.) There is no condemnation for those who marry under proper, biblical terms.

3.) Though it can be wise to remain single as Paul has exhorted in 1 Corinthians 7:32 (in order to be free from “anxieties” and focus on serving Christ), it is also biblically clear that “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil” (Ecclesiastes 4:9)—so long as serving Christ is the chief goal between two equally-yoked Christians.

4.) God’s blessings come in all forms—sometimes disguised. Hardships come. Losses come. Life changes come. We learn and grow. We understand our circumstances help us rely on God and His strength alone.

Christ is ALWAYS the focus and purpose.

5.) Priorities are crucial in a marriage.

Again, Christ is ALWAYS the focus. Praying together. Bible study together. Being an active part of the church together. Doing everything for Christ as one flesh. Two become one. But really, three become one, as husband and wife are joined as one under Christ. He is the head. Also, priorities include proper biblical roles for husband and wife. It includes prioritizing your spouse first after Christ. Always. Christ is your identity. Your spouse is you. You are one. Never forget that.

6.) I previously held a wrongful view about priorities in a marriage, often putting my children second to God, and I submitted an erroneous diagram of how that looks.Husband and wife are the ones in covenant under God; one flesh. While our children are part of us, we are notone flesh with our children.

At the top is Christ.

Under Christ is husband and wife as one—with different roles.

Under husband and wife are children.

7.) Considering the last two points, children do not run the household. They do not tell the parents what to do. Husband and wife decide, then children follow their direction. Marriage priority needs to keep this in mind, not allowing children to dictate daily life. Yes, they have a voice and opinion which can be heard and taken into consideration privately between husband and wife, but it is ultimately husband and wife in authority (in love, of course—authoritative).

Here is a beneficial word from Charlie Kirk:

I look forward to sharing what I learn in our marriage covenant under Christ’s headship. Please know, I AM, in fact, still learning and growing alongside my husband. As I always say, I want to be transparent so to possibly help others in their walk with Christ.

There are still issues my husband and I are navigating together. I am addressing past hurts. He is addressing past hurts. There are sinful areas being pointed out in our lives, which are not perfect and will not be perfected in this life. But I do want to share what we are learning as we grow in holiness, confess areas of sin in repentance, are being tested by those outside of our covenant, and allow our love to flourish.