The Christian
My name is Jennifer, and this is my story.
My parents divorced when I was about five years old. Both remarried, but I lived with my mother and my stepfather, only visiting my father every other weekend. My father came from a German Baptist home. Although his parents—my grandparents—acknowledged Jesus as the Christ, he did not at the time (praise God he is in a saved, reconciled relationship now!). My mother and my stepfather, however, both decided to “accept Christ as their Savior”—although, rightfully judging by their fruit at the time (or lack thereof), their conversion wasn’t genuine (praise God my mom is also now in a saved, reconciled relationship!). Nevertheless, I was in church off and on during childhood.
At a young age, around eight or nine, I decided to “accept Christ as my Savior” as well and be baptized—a couple times (yea, it goes into a whole situation about my mom and stepfather feeling like it wasn’t done correctly). Although I was baptized, I didn’t really fully grasp the concept of being a Christian. AT ALL.
Like my mom and stepfather, I grew up being “my” version of a “Christian”—so to speak. I was a “good girl” in many aspects (yea, lots of quotation marks here).
We moved frequently in my childhood. We didn’t have much, but didn’t lack for anything either. Usually if I asked for something, I got it. My mom stayed home mostly, and took on a job every now and then, and my stepfather owned his own business. In my early teen years, after being bullied in public school, my mother decided to transfer me to a private, Christian academy, where I remained for only two years. Since my mom and stepfather traveled frequently (they were in good-ol’ Amway at the time), they decided to pull me out and home school me. As I grew and finished school, I strayed even further from God (yet, by my standards, I was still a “Christian!”). We stopped going to church and became one of those families who were too busy or too tired to get up and go to church on Sunday morning.
When I was about fifteen, my mom opened her own restaurant. She and my stepfather built an 8000 sq. foot, four-story home on over thirty acres of land, and we all drove brand new, top-of-the-line vehicles. I had my own—rather large—suite, complete with a sunroom of my own and a music/movie memorabilia room. We still traveled a lot. I got to experience much of the United States.
Once I turned eighteen, I had a short-lived period (a few months) of my life where I actually rebelled in every “safe” way. I got a small tattoo, tried to pick up smoking (which didn’t last long at all), I hit alcohol pretty hard and took to partying—yet, I still proclaimed the name of Christ! Nevertheless, during that time, I met Juan who would later become my husband, and I settled down quite drastically. Eventually, the partying stopped, the alcohol disappeared, and I started planning a real future. I began college courses and started a serious relationship with Juan.
Although I was back to being “good,” I was far from following Christ. Juan proposed to me after just a few months of dating, and plans were set for a wedding. At this time, I violated a promise I had made to God many years before, and I got pregnant. A couple months into my pregnancy, in the fall of 2000, I suffered a miscarriage. Then, in 2001, Juan and I were married. Due to the marriage, the miscarriage, and other life issues, I discontinued my education, and put “me” on hold.
Juan and I lived with my parents during the first year of our marriage. At that time, my mother and stepfather gifted us part of their land. Juan spent nearly that entire year clearing it by hand. It was at this time I became pregnant again. While eagerly awaiting my daughter, we had everything planned out and ready to start building our dream home.
You know, during my teenage years, I remember saying I would never resort to food stamps or anything like that. I also remember when I’d get into an argument with my stepfather, my mom would say, “He loves you, Jennifer. Look at everything he buys for you.” I think at that time I equated love with material things. But, even though I was a “good” girl and was still mostly true to my humble roots, I was, admittedly, becoming a little arrogant. Maybe it didn’t show externally, but in the way my thoughts processed.
I had it all.
But then, I was forced to realize, that “ALL” can be taken away in a heartbeat.
After some business and life issues, my mom and stepfather filed for bankruptcy. The cars were gone. Their house was gone. Not only did they lose the house and everything they worked hard to build (It wasn’t handed to them by family, government, or anyone else), but I lost what would have been our future home. The home in which I planned to welcome my baby girl.
Spoiled little Jennifer had some lessons to learn. (I am now completely grateful for those hard lessons, however. Of course, God knew what I needed to grow me and lead me into a genuine relationship with Him).
From that time forward, we moved about seven times in a three-year period. I gave birth to my daughter, as well as our second child, our eldest son. I decided to pick my education back up, and I started a part-time online program. In late 2005, we finally became homeowners. Still, throughout this whole period of my life, Christ took a back seat. Well—to be more accurate, I put Him in the trunk and only took Him out when I needed Him for something or when it was convenient. I tried to stay “in church” as much as possible, and I was successful at that for quite some time, returning to the home church I left during childhood. But that was about it.
The marriage to Juan wasn’t picture-perfect (what can you expect from two false converts who lived in and by the world?). I endured mental and emotional abuse for a few years—being called “pig” and “cow,” told I was an embarrassment to be seen out with, never cooking food to the right temperature or what was wanted, alcohol abuse while partying with friends, long work hours and rarely (more like never) any quality time, even jail time. There were some good days (they definitely weren’t all bad), however, the marriage suffered some turmoil, which in turn, made me hardened, especially being at home with small children. I took a lot of that frustration out on my children. Yelling, anger, and rage became my daily communication at some points.
Something I will regret for the rest of my life.
Yes, I was lost, though I proclaimed to be a “Christian.” A false convert. This type of lifestyle led me to some horrible life decisions.
It was a major turning point in 2006—a poorly sinful choice in my marriage—that made my spiritual existence stop dead in its tracks. I was standing at this crossroad knowing if the sin that had ensnared me continued, I would never make it out. I looked in the mirror and asked, “What are you doing?” Or perhaps it was God who asked me. My eyes were opened to the truth of Christ and a genuine life of Christianity while several things happened concurrently. One of them was birthing my youngest son. The others included attending a Bible study series at my home church entitled Downpour. It was during this study that I reflected on the sinful areas of my life (all of them), saw them for what they really were, confessed of them by asking people whom I wronged for forgiveness (verbally, something that was incredibly difficult), repented of them, and sincerely turned my life over to God (submitting to true conversion). I had never experienced this true conversion before. It requires one to confess of and flee from sin, allow for truth, and beg for forgiveness and grace, and I was tremendously blessed that I received that sought after forgiveness and grace, from both God and Juan.
I could tell God’s Holy Spirit was then working in my life. Little by little, even the smallest aspects of life found submission in Him.
I took my education to the next level, eventually transferring to Liberty University full time and graduating with a B.S. in Elementary Education, certification as a Christian counselor for children, and a tremendous amount of education in health and wellness coaching, theology and apologetics. I changed the way I looked at life—even down to my entertainment. I chose to abstain from secular music (which was a big change for me, being that music was and is a huge part of my life)! I allowed the Holy Spirit to take over my life.
Juan also repented and was baptized, and we began dedicating ourselves to our church family. Things appeared smooth for a few years, but still, deep down, there were some unresolved damages. Though Juan stopped drinking and partying, was more lenient in how he interacted with me, and began spending a little more time with me (we took on a CrossFit class routinely for about a year), some permanent, unhealed wounds ensued as we drifted apart (literally, living in two separate rooms for many years). He worked constantly. I home schooled and cared for the kids. The kids became my priority, second to God (which is so wrong in a marriage). In our household, it was the kids and I…and Juan. Eventually, Juan made the same poorly sinful choice in the marriage as I did years before, but instead of reconciling, he decided to leave our marriage in 2020 (oh, 2020, you crazy, cruel year, you!!). Simultaneously that year, I was forced to sell our home, and I lost two dear friends—our pastor and his wife (to COVID)—who were like second parents.
From 2020 to 2024, I remained a divorced, stay-at-home-mom discipling my three remarkable children and realizing a few things: I was able to look over those past life events and comprehend they each made me the servant and disciple I am today. I learned that there is such a thing as a false convert. I learned to allow the Holy Spirit to take control, fully surrendering and living in holiness. And I learned that I want to be a light—making disciples and teaching what I’ve learned to anyone willing to listen. I persevered and rejoiced, glorifying God and His continued goodness, even in less-than-ideal and downright rough circumstances. In the four years after my divorce, I grew tremendously in my Christian walk. My multiple losses and life changes caused me to direct my entire focus to growing and maturing in the faith, studying His Word, and pursuing this ministry—Lights in the Darkness. Although I had been Lights in the Darkness to many friends over the years on social media, I decided to make it more official with this blog in 2021, and I my hope is to pass along my wisdom, my zeal for the Lord, and my transparency and sincerity as I allow Christ’s light to shine while I learn and grow on my own.
As 2024 began to wind down, everything changed once again!
God brought an incredibly unexpected blessing into my life—MARRIAGE!!
After a study in July 2024, realizing remarriage after a justified divorce was biblically acceptable, I accepted the invitation to pursue a courtship from a long-time friend, Simon. It didn’t take long for us to figure out our blossoming relationship—since our lives were so intertwined and were being guided by God—that we couldn’t do life without one another. We both suffered marriages that ended in adultery and suffered turmoil. We both knew what we wanted from a covenantal spouse. Most importantly, we both were dedicated to Christ.
Consequently, we were married in October 2024. I never could have imagined being blessed in such a way. Not only do I get to continue focusing on serving Christ, sharing His Gospel message and offering discipleship to my siblings in Christ, I get to do it alongside my best friend, my other half, my most-cherished, adored, and ardently loved husband. We are praiseful to God in the name of Christ for His many blessings, even those in disguise which cause us to rely on Him and His strength alone.
It is now, as I continue growing in the Spirit, that I have found my purpose—to be a light for Christ. I only hope to go on from here and spread the Gospel as Christ has commanded, shining His light on the darkness of this world and helping others in whatever way He has called. I hope to help others see His truth—that the sin they are living in will permanently separate them from God, but that they can flee from that sin and run towards Him, Who is waiting for reconciliation with open arms. That no matter how much they believe they don’t deserve Him, no matter what sins they’ve committed, His love and grace is victorious and still available to them. That He will not leave them in their rebellion but transform them into a new creation.
The two Bible verses that greatly impact my life now are Acts 13:47 and Matthew 28:19-20
“Grace, mercy, and peace (to you all)…, from God the Father and from Jesus Christ the Father’s Son, in truth and love.” (2 John 1:3)
All Scripture (unless otherwise noted): English Standard Version Bible. 2021. BibleHub.com and
English Standard Version Bible. 2016. Crossway