Having published my last entry focusing on women and roles within the church, I began to think about and wanted to shift to children from a Christian-parenting perspective.
When I first had children, I was a false convert. My identity was anything but Christ, because I was still in possession of my own life, making decisions which glorified the flesh (in other words, I was living in sin). I called myself a “Christian,” but I was not a genuine Christian. Therefore, I began with the same outlook many others have today. I was tired, frustrated, disorganized, and angry. I took that frustration out on my children often. Yelling was probably my main mode of communication. I wasn’t abusive, and I loved my children more than my own life, but I allowed frustration’s poisonous venom to seep into my parenting.
However, I changed and genuinely surrendered my life to Christ, my Lord, my Owner. A couple years later, when my oldest child was about ten, I began my education at Liberty University. It was there that I was certified in Christian counseling for children. I gained a lot of head knowledge but also spiritual wisdom.
I look back on how I treated my kids when they were younger, and I find myself appalled. Utterly disgusted. It’s apparent now that this behavior has been established as the societal norm. Everywhere I look I see more and more disheartening treatment of children. Society, seemingly, is becoming more and more toxic to children as it desensitizes, dehumanizes, and demoralizes.
This toxicity is seen in the way they are viewed, treated, and entertained.
Our culture is a breeding ground for content which desensitizes, demoralizes, and dehumanizes children.
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First, much of what the world promotes views children as burdensome and worthless. Society cannot even admit a baby is a human being, and it encourages and entices women to dispose of—murder—the baby she is housing in her womb—what should be the safest place for a growing and developing human. Mainstream population, even those who proclaim the name of “Christ,” are dehumanizing babies by committing, approving of, and overlooking the topic of abortion. In like manner, moms are popularizing toxic “mommy-needs-wine” culture (or vodka or coffee or whatever they think will offer an “escape”), viewing the child as the cause of all their problems. The world as we know it currently does this anyway—dehumanizes and views children as problematic. There’s no value in life by the world’s standards. This is a given when people refuse to see the truth of creation and the miracle of life God has bestowed. But Scripture confirms every life is formed and known even before the womb. Man is created on purpose for a purpose, and every life is beautiful.
The way children are viewed overflows into how they are treated. Abortion again tops the list of treatment, being that it’s estimated (to this date—2022) that there have been “63,459,781 American lives lost to abortion since 1973” (LiveAction.org). As if that’s not enough, children are being coerced into believing lies about themselves. They already hear they aren’t acceptable, and they are mommy’s “problems,” but then the world adds to the thoughts that they don’t even know what they are—male or female (and they throw in the nonbinary nonsense). Let me add here, a repeat of something I’ve said many times before, a child is not capable of handling life-altering decisions. Period.
"The rational part of a [child/teen's] brain isn’t fully developed and won’t be until age 25 or so. In fact, recent research has found that adult and [child/teen] brains work differently. Adults think with the prefrontal cortex, the brain’s rational part. This is the part of the brain that responds to situations with good judgment and an awareness of long-term consequences. [Children/Teens] process information with the amygdala. This is the emotional part" (University of Rochester Medical Center).
With this in mind, children—driven by emotions—explore various feelings as they reach different stages of development, and those feelings change frequently. Before the brain is fully developed, before adulthood, adolescent children go through an identity stage. At this stage, they can experience identity confusion, but being that they are not capable of making life-altering decisions, they should never be coerced or encouraged to make such decisions. Yet, this is what we see now with society pushing puberty blockers and bodily mutilation, allowing children of any age to begin certain treatments and catering to every whim of their immature minds. We’re going to end up with a future generation who is so confused and out of line, things are going to eventually crumble. I mean, it’s already happening. Biblically, it is expected, as Satan runs rampant through the world, and we are just foreigners while we are here (since our citizenship is in Heaven).
Finally, we see children being demoralized through their entertainment. The written word has been an influence for…well…a very long time. Though, now, even children’s literature targets the vulnerable with corrupt stories. Additionally, since the dawn of the “silver screen,” the past few generations have been influenced in many ways. Not only through the screen, but through the idolization of the actors themselves. Something I learned during my counseling education at Liberty was that the average age a child is exposed to some sort of pornography for the first time is five. Five. Years. Old. Furthermore, there’s the lyrical garbage that’s spewed out of secular radio (even false theology flows from “Christian” music stations). In the mainstream, children are exposed to foul language, desensitizing, dehumanizing violence and murder with thoughtless kill counts, how to practice witchcraft, satanic rituals, demonic possession, nonsensical ideas that men can have periods, homosexual behavior and messages delivered that they can choose whatever gender they’d like. But, Christians, we are called to be set apart from the profane, and that includes media, whatever we allow to entertain us.
“Society is trying to conform us to fit their mold, one that—while it screams ‘born this way’ and uniqueness to justify sin—tries to eliminate identity. It’s trying to erase male and female and proper gender roles. It’s trying to devalue human life.
It’s trying to narrow the gap between childhood and adulthood, pushing children to grow up rapidly. It’s trying to force its redefined ‘tolerance’ which offends nobody,
yet at the same time is aggressive. It’s trying to promote equality
while still instigating segregation—just dressing it up with disguised labels.”
Here are some images I’ve recently come across which affirm my reasoning:
Children represent the most innocent. Blank canvases to be filled with images (good or bad), clay to be shaped into whatever mold they’re being pressed into. Jesus confirmed this.
“Now they were bringing even infants to him that he might touch them. And when the disciples saw it, they rebuked them. But Jesus called them to him, saying, ‘Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.’”
“At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, ‘Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?’ And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, ‘Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.’”
“The humility of a child consists of childlike trust, vulnerability, and the inability to advance his or her own cause apart from the help, direction, and resources of a parent” (ESV Study Notes on Matthew 18).
Parents set the example. They are the model for which the children will mimic. Misshapen children become distorted adults who procreate misshapen children—a continuous cycle, forming a perverse culture (what could be considered as generational “curses”). This cycle can only be broken and reversed by repentance and surrender to Christ. Only in Christ can we find truth and standards of which to live by.
Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Parents, what we have to do is step up to the plate. God has given us a role to fulfill in a child’s life as guardian. Guardian is one who guards: “duty of protecting or defending; assigned to protect or oversee another; protect from danger especially by watchful attention; tend to carefully” (Merriam Webster). Most are failing at this, though. Most do not protect from the evils of this world. From Satan. Most do not lead their child to a reconciled relationship with Christ. As Christian parents with Christian children (those who have already surrendered their lives to Christ), God has given us a role to fulfill in a child’s life—as their brother/sister in Christ—as discipler. Most do not equip their children as a disciple. Many leave discipleship up to a youth group in a church meeting or a Sunday morning sermon. This cannot be, friends. Parents, your first line of work as a Christian parent is to disciple your own family. And discipleship entails proper discipline.
I love the perspective @itskellydiane (on Twitter) offers:
“It’s important that my children know I am not the inventor of the rules and standards in our household. Every expectation and boundary they’re taught is backed up by Scripture because that is where the moral compass in our home comes from—not mom and dad. I want my children to know that I am under the exact same authority they are and that I am subject to the same standard of righteousness as them. I may be their parent training them in truth, but really, we are all disciples learning and growing in Christ together. Some day, I will not be an authority to my children at all. They will not have to obey me as adults. I don’t want them to think the standards I’m teaching them are from me. If they were, they could easily be discarded in adulthood. They need to know these values are from God. My goal as a mom isn’t to train little children, but to raise up dedicated disciples of Christ. Kids know how to be kids. We are training them as children to become adults. That’s what they’re practicing for. And I want them to become adults submitted to the authority of God.”
Many kids are the way they are today because there’s no concept of respect for authority, especially God’s authority, because they lack authoritative (as opposed to authoritarian, permissive, and uninvolved) parenting in the home with appropriate, consistent rules/boundaries and discipline. Parents have become very hands-off and inconsistent (permissive or uninvolved). Even to the point where the roles can often become reversed. The children tell the parents what they will and will not do. How things will and will not go. Thus, creating a lack of respect for authority, a confusion of who is in control. Yes, it is a parent’s role to teach children how to live independently on a gradual basis as they grow and learn, but never falter to be in control (akin to a gradual release of responsibility—I do, you watch; I do, you help; You do, I help; You do, I watch and correct when needed). On the other hand, there are some who take this to the extreme (authoritarian)—You do as I say, when I say, and you have no word in the matter. This is not right either. There must be proper balance (authoritative). Love without rules leads to rebellion. Likewise, rules without love leads to rebellion. There have to be rules and consistent discipline when those rules are broken, but they must be upheld in love and understanding.
One thing I learned and utilize is listening to my children. I am not always right. I communicate with them, not looking down on them like they don’t matter in family affairs. I am deeply invested in their lives.
As parents, we must be fully invested in the lives of our children. I’ve made it pretty clear over the years I don’t believe in the false idea of letting children go and declaring them an “adult” at age 18. This is something our culture has pushed and continues to push, but a child is not an adult at 18. Society may classify an 18-year-old an adult, but keep in mind, this is the same society that cannot even classify a woman or a baby. The idea the world pushes is not psychologically helpful nor is it biblical. Matthew 19: 4-6 and Ephesians 5:31 illustrate the example of children being dependent on their parents and remaining at home until they are married—until they have a family unit of their own. Still, they never age out of discipleship; they still require guidance from those who are mature and wiser, especially a parent who’s led them to Christ (Titus 2).
So let us be mindful of the children in our lives. They are a heritage from the Lord (Psalm 127:3-5). They are our future and our legacy. What legacy are you leaving? Are you shoving the world in their face and all its toxicity? Or are you nurturing them, creating a haven within your home in which they can find safety from the world and its harm? And, friends, if you have been and still are submitting to the toxic-culture view I’ve mentioned, repent and fully surrender your role as parent to Christ. There is restoration and grace for all who repent from whatever sin or struggle in which they have been ensnared.
I want to leave this video about children in the church. It is very eye-opening!
References
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