Hang on, dear friends! This is a long one.
Even though divorce is part of my life walk, I wasn’t exactly convicted to thoroughly study the topic within God’s Word in-depth until the last few months. I took the “easier” route by relying too heavily on the discernment of others rather than simply getting into the Word myself and working outward from there. I mean, I already knew divorce wasn’t a good thing, but I left it at that.
I should have known better!!
In discipleship, as I’ve stated time and time again, we have to get into the Word and really exegete it properly for ourselves, getting to know what His Word says about everything, THEN turn to commentary if needed. I am praiseful His Spirit continually helps me see my errors and weaknesses.
So, what about marriage, divorce, and remarriage? How does God view them? What is marriage exactly? Is divorce acceptable in God’s sight? Is remarriage after divorce acceptable in God’s sight? These are questions I had, and I’m sure many of us ponder the same.
*I could definitely go even deeper into historical and literary study, but for now, this is what I’ve gathered, and I hope it helps others who may be in the same struggle and life walk as I.
To start, what is marriage?
Scripture clarifies marriage as a covenant (Malachi 2:14). We see many covenant examples in Scripture—Mosaic, Noahic, Davidic, Old, New, etc..
By basic, secular definition, a covenant is, “a usually formal, solemn, and binding agreement…a written agreement or promise usually under seal between two or more parties especially for the performance of some action… to promise by a covenant : PLEDGE” (Merriam Webster).
The Hebrew word “covenant” in the Old Testament (Old Covenant) is bᵊrîṯ. It is an alliance or pledge (promise/vow/oath). It is seen between mankind as a treaty, alliance, league (man to man); constitution, ordinance (monarch to subjects); agreement, pledge (man to man); alliance (of friendship); alliance (of marriage). It is also seen between God and man as alliance (of friendship) and covenant (divine ordinance with signs or pledges). There is covenant making, covenant keeping, and covenant violation.
(Blue Letter Bible)
The covenant promises made were binding and holy (Daniel 11:28, 30). “The Old Testament is more than a history of Israel. It is really a history of the covenant in which God revealed, little by little, His character and His plans and purposes for mankind” (Got Questions). We see God uses the covenant of marriage as parallel of His covenant promise with Israel throughout the Old Testament, often referring to Israel as a bride and unfaithful whore who has committed adultery (Ezekiel/ Hosea/ Jeremiah/ Malachi, etc.). Under the New Covenant, the relationship between Christ and His church is depicted as a Bridegroom and His bride (Ephesians 5:22-33/ Matthew 25:1-13/ Revelation 19:6-10, etc.).
It’s also important to look at vows. Vows were promises to or under God. “Vows were solemn affairs, made only to God. People were not forced to take them, but, if they did, they had to be kept, under normal circumstances (Deuteronomy 23:21-23/ Psalm 15:4/ Ecclesiastes 5:4-5). But any vow that would end in sin was not binding; keeping it could not please God, and the Levitical laws provided for such instances (Leviticus 5:4-6) …Vows must be kept because God keeps his promises and desires that his people imitate his moral character” (ESV study notes pp. 459 & 364). We see the severity of making and keeping a vow in the narrative of Jephthah (Judges 11).
Clearly, covenant promises and vows were and are nothing to take lightly, but were and are held in highest, severe regard.
With this in mind, continuing to look at Malachi 2, we see also that in a marriage covenant, the two are made one, and they share a portion of the Spirit in their union (v15). Therefore, a marriage is an accord of not just the husband and wife but also of the Holy Spirit. A three-way relationship. It is often depicted as a cord of three strands which cannot be severed (like seen in a different context in Ecclesiastes 4:12).
Jesus reiterates this bond under God when He is asked about divorce (Matthew 19:1-9/ Mark 10—an echo of Genesis 2).
“Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
From this, we see God’s intention for marriage is to be between one man and one woman for life, something which commenced at the creation of man and woman—Adam and Eve—in the Garden (Genesis 1:27; 2:18-25; 5:2). It is a lifelong bond which only death can dissolve—since the earthly institution of marriage will not continue to exist in Heaven (Matthew 22:30).
Going back to Genesis, we see woman was created to be man’s “helper,” a suitable companion. As my ESV study notes (p. 54) describe, “God brings to him all the livestock, birds, and beasts of the field. None of these, however, proves to be ‘fit for’ the man. ‘Helper’ (Hb. ezer) is one who supplies strength in the area that is lacking in ‘the helped.’ The term does not imply that the helper is either stronger or weaker than the one helped. ‘Fit for him’ or ‘matching him’ is not the same as ‘like him’: a wife is not her husband’s clone but complements him.” This is one verse used in studying the term “complementarianism” between men and women and their roles, which I’ve addressed here. Some use the terms “helpmeet” or “helpmate,” depending on Bible translation. Overall, the woman was created as helper for the man, offering the ability to develop the closest, most intimate of all human relationships, and this creation and first marriage sets the pattern, as Jesus reiterates above, for all mankind.
While on the subject of marriage, we have to understand marriage is not commanded for everyone, and singleness is a gift, which Paul clarifies in 1 Corinthians 7:6-9, 27-28.
“Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion… Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that.”
He goes on to clarify why singlehood is a gift (vv29-35):
“This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none, and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no goods, and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away. I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.”
When we marry, our attention is divided, and our full devotion to God is lacking. However, if we are single, like Paul was (with the gift to exercise celibacy in self-control), we can devote our undivided attention in service to God, furthering the Gospel and working as the church in discipleship, exercising whatever spiritual gift(s) God has granted. With this in mind, it is wrong for churches/church leaders/Christians to appoint marriage as a commandment for everyone, just like it is to condemn biblical marriage. Paul and Jesus were single, and singleness, when lived in righteousness and service to God, is beneficial, spiritually and physically/emotionally.
With all this clarified, we can see marriage is a sacred institution when pursued by one man and one woman, in which both, along with the Spirit, are joined together by God, not to be separated. I won’t get deep into the topic of sexual purity, however I do want to add, sex is the consummation (the final step/finish) of the marriage covenant, to which each person enters union in purity and their bodies are joined as one for life as the seal of their marriage covenant/promise/vow to one another. Therefore, any sexual activity outside the covenant of marriage is engaging in the sinful uniting of oneself to another (whether prematurely, sex before marriage, or in adultery, sex with anyone other than the spouse—1 Corinthians 6:12-20, emphasis on v16). Another important aspect, given this understanding, is that the Lord intends the marriage covenant to produce godly offspring (Malachi 2:15).
Now that we have an understanding of the importance of marriage, we look at sinful man’s role in God’s design.
As sinful man does, his “hardness of heart” (Mark 10:5/ Matthew 19:8) causes him to rebel against God’s perfect design. Although His perfect plan—which two devout Christians would follow in holiness—does not allow for divorce, God knows it will happen. “Sinful people will pursue sinful (or unwise) paths, and as God has always done, He provides protections for rebellious humanity” (Michael Moore, grammatical corrections added).
Therefore, we see divorce enter the picture.
Matthew 19: 3-9
“And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, ‘Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?’ He answered, ‘Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh”? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.’ They said to him, ‘Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?’ He said to them, ‘Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.’”
In this passage of Matthew, Jesus is approached by Pharisees composed of the disciples of Shammai and the disciples of Hillel (Rabbis [Jewish teachers] and their schools). Each school was on a different side of the divorce argument (interpretation of the Law in Deuteronomy 24), and, like always, were trying to test Jesus in their questioning and dispute, trying to get Him to incriminate Himself by misinterpretation of the Law. “[A]s noted in this excerpt from the Mishnah, Gittin 9:10: ‘The school of Shammai says: A man may not divorce his wife unless he has found unchastity in her…And the school of Hillel says: [He may divorce her] even if she spoiled a dish for him…Rabbi Akiba says, [he may divorce her] even if he found another fairer than she’” (ESV study notes, p.1860).
Jesus clarifies that though it is not what God intended from the beginning, divorce was allowed by Moses because of man’s hardened heart.
Deuteronomy 24:1-4
“When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house, and if she goes and becomes another man’s wife, and the latter man hates her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter man dies, who took her to be his wife, then her former husband, who sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after she has been defiled, for that is an abomination before the LORD. And you shall not bring sin upon the land that the LORD your God is giving you for an inheritance.”
And Malachi 2:16.
“For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the LORD, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the LORD of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.”
In regard to the passage in Deuteronomy, “[t]his is the only OT law about divorce. Elsewhere divorce is presupposed (e.g., Leviticus 21:7, 14; Numbers 30:9) …Jesus appeals to the creation account to show God’s ethical ideal. This law is a concession to hardness of hearts, preserving a minimum level of civility for the theocracy” (ESV study notes, p. 365).
In regard to the passage in Malachi, which we’ve previously addressed in talking about marriage, “[t]he Hebrew text of this verse is one of the most difficult passages in the OT to translate, with the result that the two main alternative translations proposed for this verse are strongly disputed” (ESV study notes, p. 1776). The one translation is above, the other is, “The LORD, the God of Israel, says that he hates divorce,” or some simply state, “’For I hate divorce,’ says the LORD, the God of Israel.” Some have interpreted it as the husband who is hating, not God. Malachi’s prophetic disputation on marriage somewhat foreshadows the words of Jesus, also going back to creation (v10).
In any case, “this passage (as well as that of Jesus’ teaching) is clear in its recognition that the biblical standard for marriage derives from the creation account, which establishes the covenantal nature of marriage.” In breaking this vow, man “violates the creation order, he breaks his covenantal relationship with his wife—and, in so doing, he deeply damages his character (‘covers his garment with violence’) …God is opposed to the kind of divorce that is in view because of the destructiveness and pain that inevitably results (another aspect of the ‘violence’)” (ESV study notes, p. 1777). Furthermore, it illustrates apostasy. The Greek New Testament word for divorce is apostasion (Blue Letter Bible). It is derived from aphistēmi, which means “dessert, fall away, to go away, depart, from anyone, become faithless” (Blue Letter Bible). This is exemplified in passages like 1 Timothy 4:1— “Now the Spirit expressly says that in later times some will depart from the faith by devoting themselves to deceitful spirits and teachings of demons (those who rebel against God; Christians leaving the faith and turning to false gospels/teaching). Therefore, divorcement between husband and wife parallels divorcement or apostasy between believer and God. We see this used by God Himself in Jeremiah 3:8, “She saw that for all the adulteries of that faithless one, Israel, I had sent her away with a decree of divorce. Yet her treacherous sister Judah did not fear, but she too went and played the whore.” God divorces Israel for her unfaithfulness and pursuit of wickedness and false gods, however, it is not unilateral for all time. In His faithfulness, merciful grace, and love, He allows them to return—what we see depicted in Hosea and mentioned in the prophets—IF there was genuine repentance. “Mercy triumphs over judgment” (James 2:13). God continued His plan for Israel, fulfilled under the New Covenant in Jesus the Christ, which now includes the Gentiles as well—again, IF there is genuine repentance and full surrender to Christ, washing away sin and calling on His name in baptism (Acts 22:16/ Acts 2:38/ Romans 6).
Divorce was never intended to be a righteous resolution in God’s original design, which joined man, woman, and Spirit as one. However, because of man’s rebellious heart, a heart inclined toward sin (Jeremiah 17:9/ Genesis 8:21/ Romans 6 & 7, etc.), defilement of the marriage covenant occurs.
So while the law allowed for sinful man to divorce, it is obviously not ideal by any means and will often lead to destructiveness and pain—overall struggle. We see throughout Scripture, though God allows something, it doesn’t mean He favors or “blesses” it, and though He allows something and offers forgiveness in our repentance, natural consequences will still ensue.
Now, with all this in mind about divorce, is all divorce equal? No
We can clearly see in Scripture that God grants permission for divorce in two types of circumstances:
Sexual immorality (Matthew 19:9)— porneia in Greek, meaning “illicit sexual intercourse… adultery, fornication, homosexuality, lesbianism, intercourse with animals etc., sexual intercourse with close relatives, sexual intercourse with a divorced man or woman. Because any sexual activity outside of the marriage covenant’s one-flesh union defiles and disrupts that union (Hebrews 13:4), breaking the covenant.
Abandonment by an unbelieving spouse (1 Corinthians 7:15)—This would be two unbelievers (those in Corinth, a multi-cultural, multi-religion crossroads) who married, then one became a believer and the other did not. Otherwise, believers are exhorted NOT to marry unbelievers, becoming unequally yoked (2 Corinthians 6).
Although other reasons occur for divorce (both justified and unjustified), these are the only two clearly listed as biblical grounds.
Now enters the topic of remarriage.
Going off those two biblical grounds for divorce, remarriage is viewed differently by various interpretations of Scripture, including biblical passages such as 1 Corinthians 7 and Matthew 19.
For instance, David Guzik states, “If someone does not have Biblical grounds for divorce, God regards them as still married and any subsequent relationship is considered adultery (Matthew 19:8-9). It isn’t that you shouldn’t divorce for unbiblical grounds; you can’t divorce for unbiblical grounds. Nevertheless, if someone divorces having proper grounds, then they are free to remarry (1 Corinthians 7:15).”
and
Dr. Jack Cottrell states, “For the sake of this question, we are assuming that there are two Biblical grounds for divorce, namely, sexual immorality and abandonment by an unbelieving spouse. The question is whether a person is morally free to remarry following such a divorce. The answer is YES. The ‘except’ clause in Matt. 5:32, 19:9 applies both to divorce and to remarriage. In such cases, the marriage bond no longer exists in God’s sight.” He is using the premise of the law given in Deuteronomy 24 which speaks of a remarrying woman who was sent away with a certificate of divorce, and he clarifies only the innocent part in a biblical divorce is allowed to remarry.
While others state,
“In the end Paul’s recourse (in 1 Corinthians 7) for those married is to stay married. Separate if necessary with the purpose of reconciliation. If reconciliation does not occur, or if in the cause of one unbelieving spouse that leave, the believer is to remain unmarried. Either until they die or their spouse die, then and only then does Paul say that remarriage is an option” (Michael Moore).
and
“The basic principle concerning divorce and remarriage is laid out clearly in 1 Corinthians 7:10–11: ‘To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.’ So, the foundational rule is that there should be no divorce and, if a divorce does happen, no remarriage” (Got Questions). Got Questions goes on to mention, “[o]nce we understand the basic rule that there should be no remarriage after a divorce, we can look at the possible exceptions to that rule. One possible allowance for remarriage after a divorce is found in Matthew 19:9—if the marriage ended because of adultery, then the wronged spouse may be free to remarry. But this interpretation is debated among Christians.
Many scholars agree that remarriage is acceptable in the case of adultery.
In my discernment, when we look at Jesus’ teaching (Matthew 5:31-32;19:9) and the exception of sexual immorality, we first have to understand that when Jews committed sexual immorality in marriage/betrothal, the guilty party was put to death.
Leviticus 20:10-16
“If a man commits adultery with the wife of his neighbor, both the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death. If a man lies with his father’s wife, he has uncovered his father’s nakedness; both of them shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them. If a man lies with his daughter-in-law, both of them shall surely be put to death; they have committed perversion; their blood is upon them. If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them. If a man takes a woman and her mother also, it is depravity; he and they shall be burned with fire, that there may be no depravity among you. If a man lies with an animal, he shall surely be put to death, and you shall kill the animal. If a woman approaches any animal and lies with it, you shall kill the woman and the animal; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them.”
We also see it in the passage of the woman caught in adultery in John 7:53–8:11*, when the scribes and Pharisees were ready to put the woman to death.
*Note: this section of Scripture, sometimes referred to as the pericope adulterae, is of questionable authenticity. Whether or not the story is original to John’s Gospel, its message fits the character and wisdom of the Lord Jesus. (Got Questions)
Although, this wasn’t Jesus’ view, as we see with the woman caught in adultery (if we can even support this as original to the text) and the woman at the well (John 4)—because He compassionately reveals sin but offers salvation—living water, it was true to the context of the situation and His audience, the scribes and Pharisees. Therefore, the innocent party (in view of this Old Covenant law that was in effect during Jesus’ walk on earth) would essentially be a widow/widower and, per 1 Corinthians 7:8-9, 39, would be free to remarry.
Looking further, I went to the ESV study notes on Matthew 5:31-32 (p.1829), giving some historical context surrounding divorce and Jesus’ teaching within that context. It states,
“A certificate of divorce in the ancient world gave a woman the right to remarry (e.g., Mishnah, Gittin 9:3: ‘The essential formula in the bill of divorce is “Lo, thou art free to marry any man”’) and reflects the fact that divorce and remarriage were widely accepted and practiced in the first century world. But I say to you indicates that Jesus does not accept the practice of easy divorce represented in v. 31. Because divorce was widespread in ancient times, God had instituted a regulation through Moses that was intended to uphold the sanctity of marriage and to protect women from being divorced for no reason. (Deuteronomy 24:1-4; Matthew 19:8) Here and in 19:3-9, Jesus bases his teaching on God’s original intention that marriage should be a permanent union of a man and a woman as ‘one flesh’ (Mark 10:8). Divorce breaks that union…Except on the ground of sexual immorality. This implies that when a divorce is obtained (by the injured party) because of the sexual immorality of one’s spouse, then such a divorce is not morally wrong. But when a man divorces his wife wrongly, the husband thus makes her commit adultery. Even though some female Jewish divorcees would have gone back to live with their parents in shame, many would have sought to remarry (which seems to be the typical situation that Jeus is addressing here). Jesus is thus indicating that such second marriages begin with committing adultery, since the divorce would not have been valid in God’s eyes.”
In such cases of an unbelieving spouse leaving—“leaves”= chorizo, meaning “to separate, divide, part, put asunder, to separate one’s self from, to depart… of (specifically) divorce” (Blue Letter Bible), there is the exhortation to let him or her do so, that the Christian is not enslaved, however, there is no exhortation beyond that in 1 Corinthians 7.
Keeping in mind the church in Corinth was dealing with sexual immorality, and Paul’s letter addresses this beginning in chapter 5, we can gather (especially looking at the rebuke in 6:9-20) the follow up of the principles for marriage in chapter 7 highly likely involved marriages dissolved by such sexual immorality. It’s important, too, to note “Roman law (which the church at Corinth were under) permitted either a husband or a wife to initiate a divorce with no stated cause required” (ESV study notes, p. 2200).
Another passage to consider is Romans 7:1-3 (though the context is about life in Christ, being free from sin and the law, it is still analogous of marriage) which states,
“Or do you not know, brothers—for I am speaking to those who know the law—that the law is binding on a person only as long as he lives? For a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives, but if her husband dies she is released from the law of marriage. Accordingly, she will be called an adulteress if she lives with another man while her husband is alive. But if her husband dies, she is free from that law, and if she marries another man she is not an adulteress.”
And the ESV study notes (p.2168) on this say, “A married woman who lives with another man is subject to the law regarding adultery only if her husband is still living.”
The main exhortations in 1 Corinthians 7 is to either reconcile with the spouse or remain single (v11), with strong encouragement to remain single and devote oneself to the service of Christ (vv26-35).
There is evidence—as I mentioned, many scholars agree—that if a divorce specifically ends in sexual immorality, since the marriage covenant is already broken with such sexual activity outside of the covenant, remarriage might be possible for the innocent party alone and only “in the Lord” (to another genuine Christian—1 Corinthians 7:39/ 2 Corinthians 6:14-18). And if an unbeliever is permitted to leave based on 1 Corinthians 7:15 (the believer is no longer “enslaved” or under bondage), remarriage might be possible for the believer, again, only “in the Lord.” Although there are valid views on both sides of the argument (reconcile or stay single only vs. remarriage possible), with such evidence I cannot rightly present any suggestion of strict restriction of remarriage for anyone under a justified divorce.
With all this said, as a divorced woman whose marriage ended in sexual immorality among other things (as the innocent party at the divorcement), although I might be free to remarry, the wisest decision I’m choosing to make, personally at this point in my walk, and exhort others who feel the same conviction, is to remain single and dedicate life in service to God as urged, being “free from anxieties” (1 Corinthians 7:32). Again, this is not a definite blanket command by any means, but a wise encouragement.
I encourage you all to read the Scriptures, first and foremost, surrounding these specific matters (divorce, sexual immorality and remarriage) and pray for discernment, for God to reveal truth to you by His Holy Spirit. I am attaching some references below for you to take into consideration, studying and praying over everything, testing them against Scripture and reading the Scriptures provided for yourself.
As I’ve mentioned a few times within my posts, I do want to be completely honest and transparent with my own walk in hopes of helping my fellow siblings in Christ:
My fleshly heart has wandered occasionally into the “Land of What-If,” dallying with the idea of falling in love again (What can I say? I’m a writer! I’m a highly imaginative person who loves books and films like Pride and Prejudice, and my brain often tends to drift away into the rabbit hole of daydreaming). Yet, I pray the Spirit in me moves me beyond any fleeting thoughts and desires to continue pursuing being “anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit” (1 Corinthians 7:34).
Since my divorce in 2020, I have grown a TREMENDOUS amount spiritually. I was nowhere near where I am now in my walk with Christ back then, and I am incredibly praiseful to God in the name of Christ for using my circumstances to allow me to grow and mature in the faith. I have had four years to heal and establish where I am today (taking time and being patient is important, dear friends!), and I can only pray that I will continue to flourish, being bold to share His Gospel and work alongside my siblings in Christ for mutual edification as the church, the bride of Christ. Will my fleshly heart still drift into that daydream land? I’m 100% sure it will—it has been while I’ve been writing this. But my continued prayer is that God will turn those longings for a worldly “true” love into an eternal genuine love for Him. A longing to serve Him and glorify Him, knowing Him and making Him known. I want to live like Paul in the “gift” of singleness by my own choice—not in asceticism, but simply choosing to take that path at this point in my walk, honestly believing it is a gift: “Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches.” (1 Corinthians 7:17). I sincerely want to live my life in worship fully—”I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship” (Romans 12:1).
Here are the references for your studies (in no particular order, and covering a variety of topics falling under marriage, divorce, remarriage, and the like):
First, go back through all the Scriptures I’ve previously referenced: Genesis 2, Malachi 2, Matthew 5, Matthew 19, 1 Corinthians 7, Deuteronomy 24, Romans 7, etc.. Make sure the focus is on Scripture first, THEN commentary.
Jeremiah 3:1, 6-10
“If a man divorces his wife and she goes from him and becomes another man’s wife, will he return to her? Would not that land be greatly polluted? You have played the whore with many lovers; and would you return to me? declares the LORD…. The LORD said to me in the days of King Josiah: “Have you seen what she did, that faithless one, Israel, how she went up on every high hill and under every green tree, and there played the whore? And I thought, ‘After she has done all this she will return to me,’ but she did not return, and her treacherous sister Judah saw it. She saw that for all the adulteries of that faithless one, Israel, I had sent her away with a decree of divorce. Yet her treacherous sister Judah did not fear, but she too went and played the whore. Because she took her whoredom lightly, she polluted the land, committing adultery with stone and tree. Yet for all this her treacherous sister Judah did not return to me with her whole heart, but in pretense, declares the LORD.”
Luke 16:18
“Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery.
Mark 10:1-12
And he left there and went to the region of Judea and beyond the Jordan, and crowds gathered to him again. And again, as was his custom, he taught them. And Pharisees came up and in order to test him asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” He answered them, “What did Moses command you?” They said, “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away.” And Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” And in the house the disciples asked him again about this matter. And he said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”
Exodus 20:14
You shall not commit adultery.
Matthew 5:27-30
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.”
Hebrews 13:4
Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.
Deuteronomy 31:16 (mentioned above, one of many examples of apostasy from an unfaithful Israel [“wife”], breaking covenant, which parallels the adulterous breaking of the marriage covenant)
And the LORD said to Moses, “Behold, you are about to lie down with your fathers. Then this people will rise and whore after the foreign gods among them in the land that they are entering, and they will forsake me and break my covenant that I have made with them.
Isiah 1:21
How the faithful city has become a whore, she who was full of justice! Righteousness lodged in her, but now murderers.
Revelation 19:6-9
Then I heard what seemed to be the voice of a great multitude, like the roar of many waters and like the sound of mighty peals of thunder, crying out, “Hallelujah! For the Lord our God the Almighty reigns. Let us rejoice and exult and give him the glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his Bride has made herself ready; it was granted her to clothe herself with fine linen, bright and pure”—for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints. And the angel said to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb.” And he said to me, “These are the true words of God.”
1 Timothy 4:1-5
Now the Spirit expressly says that in later times some will depart from the faith by devoting themselves to deceitful spirits and teachings of demons, through the insincerity of liars whose consciences are seared, who forbid marriage and require abstinence from foods that God created to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and know the truth. For everything created by God is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving, for it is made holy by the word of God and prayer.
Matthew 1:18-25
Now the birth of Jesus Christ took place in this way. When his mother Mary had been betrothed to Joseph, before they came together she was found to be with child from the Holy Spirit. And her husband Joseph, being a just man and unwilling to put her to shame, resolved to divorce her quietly. But as he considered these things, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, “Joseph, son of David, do not fear to take Mary as your wife, for that which is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.” All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had spoken by the prophet: “Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall call his name Immanuel” (which means, God with us). When Joseph woke from sleep, he did as the angel of the Lord commanded him: he took his wife, but knew her not until she had given birth to a son. And he called his name Jesus.
2 Corinthians 11:1-4
I wish you would bear with me in a little foolishness. Do bear with me! For I feel a divine jealousy for you, since I betrothed you to one husband, to present you as a pure virgin to Christ. But I am afraid that as the serpent deceived Eve by his cunning, your thoughts will be led astray from a sincere and pure devotion to Christ. For if someone comes and proclaims another Jesus than the one we proclaimed, or if you receive a different spirit from the one you received, or if you accept a different gospel from the one you accepted, you put up with it readily enough.
Ephesians 5:22-33
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
I’m sure there are many more Scriptures I could add, but this should be a great kick-off. Check your Bible’s footnotes and cross-references as well. Here are some of the other references for study/cross-reference.
*My disclaimer: I haven’t watched/read all these links in full, except Mike Winger’s lengthy study, and (as I usually say) I do not always agree 100% with the beliefs of everyone I’ve shared, but I want to offer a decent variety of content for you to study, pray over, and discern on your own, testing EVERYTHING against Scripture.
This first video by Mike Winger is the most beneficial, in-depth study I’ve found so far, and I encourage each of you to take the time (3 hours) to watch!!
Mike Winger’s Summary of Biblical Principles
Passages from early church leaders: https://biblehub.com/library/justin/the_first_apology_of_justin/chapter_xv_what_christ_himself_taught.htm
https://biblehub.com/library/clement/the_stromata_or_miscellanies/chapter_xxiii_on_marriage.htm
https://biblehub.com/library/tertullian/to_his_wife/index.html
Commentary
https://www.gotquestions.org/questions_marriage.html
https://jackcottrell.com/?s=divorce&x=0&y=0
https://www.blueletterbible.org/comm/guzik_david/study-guide/deuteronomy/deuteronomy-24.cfm?a=177001
https://www.blueletterbible.org/comm/guzik_david/study-guide/matthew/matthew-19.cfm?a=948001
https://www.blueletterbible.org/Comm/jfb/Mat/Mat_005.cfm#Mt5_31
https://www.blueletterbible.org/comm/guzik_david/study-guide/matthew/matthew-5.cfm?a=934031
https://www.blueletterbible.org/Comm/jfb/1Cr/1Cr_007.cfm?a=1069001
https://christianstandard.com/2013/02/sticky-conversations-divorce-and-remarriage
https://christianstandard.com/2014/05/doctrines-of-divorce-where-myths-replace-biblical-teaching
References
Merriam-Webster. (n.d.). Covenant. In Merriam-Webster.com dictionary. Retrieved July 26, 2024, from https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/covenant
H1285 – bᵊrîṯ – Strong’s Hebrew Lexicon (esv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/h1285/esv/wlc/0-1/
Got Questions. January 4, 2022. What is a covenant? Retrieved July 26, 2024 from https://www.gotquestions.org/what-is-a-covenant.html
English Standard Version Bible. 2016. Crossway
Michael Moore. February 6, 2024. Instagram Post Comment. Retrieved July 26, 2024 from https://www.instagram.com/p/C3BVeZLrXpf/?img_index=1
G647 – apostasion – Strong’s Greek Lexicon (kjv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/g647/kjv/tr/0-1/
G868 – aphistēmi – Strong’s Greek Lexicon (esv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/g868/esv/tr/0-1/
G4202 – porneia – Strong’s Greek Lexicon (esv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/g4202/esv/mgnt/0-1/
Guzik, D. (6/2022). Study Guide for Malachi 2 by David Guzik. Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/comm/guzik_david/study-guide/malachi/malachi-2.cfm
Cottrell, Jack. June 8, 2012. Are Biblically Divorced Persons Allowed To Remarry? Retrieved July 26, 2024 from https://jackcottrell.com/are-biblically-divorced-persons-allowed-to-remarry/
Michael Moore. February 12, 2024. Instagram Post Comment. Retrieved July 26, 2024 from https://www.instagram.com/p/C3Q91W_LPPA/?img_index=6
Got Questions. May 12, 2023. I am divorced. Can I remarry according to the Bible? Retrieved July 26, 2024 from https://www.gotquestions.org/divorced-remarry.html
G5563 – chōrizō – Strong’s Greek Lexicon (esv). Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/g5563/esv/mgnt/0-1/
Got Questions. December 11, 2023. What can we learn from the woman caught in adultery? Retrieved July 26, 2024 from https://www.gotquestions.org/woman-caught-in-adultery.html
Winger. Mike. May 27, 2020. YouTube. Divorce and Remarriage: EVERYTHING the Bible Says about It. Retrieved July 27, 2024 from https://youtu.be/N2pC6ZikbYo?si=JMuRFrTD0qHm0AbV
Winger. Mike. July 1, 2020. YouTube. Are Divorced People Free to Marry Another Biblically? Retrieved July 27, 2024 from https://youtu.be/r3yu5K8M5b4?si=33hJaelOBvUIoLDH
5 Minute Christianity. May 13, 2022. YouTube. John MacArthur: CAN A CHRISTIAN DIVORCE? Retrieved July 27, 2024 from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z1HgVL4kLOM
Piper, John. July 16, 2023. YouTube. Divorce And Remarriage ❃John Piper❃. Retrieved July 27, 2024 from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=458nNfBTMAs